poetry and music are a happy old couple in metaphor land

My Sad Captains

One by one they appear in the darkness: a few friends, and a few with historical  names. How late they start to shine! but before they fade they stand perfectly embodied, all the past lapping them like a  cloak of chaos. They were men who, I thought, lived only to renew the wasteful force they spent with each hot convulsion. They remind me, distant now. True, they are not at rest yet, but now they are indeed apart, winnowed from failures, they withdraw to an orbit and turn with disinterested  hard energy, like the stars. Thom Gunn

iN OTHER NEWS

I wasn't planning on writing anything tonight. I was planning on taking a brain vacation and watching the horrible but sexy 90210 but instead two things came to my attention that piss me off and have always pissed me off.

1. WHY THE FUCK DOES EVERYTHING ALWAYS HAVE TO BE LIKE IN THE PORNOS? WHY? WHY? I will never EVER EVER try to emulate a porn movie in bed. I understand that enthusiasm is intensely stimulating...but there is a difference between enthusiasm and a repertoire of sexy sex plus+ moves. sex isn't like being graded. being loud for the sake of loudness isn't attractive unto itself. FUCK I hate fucking people with fucking MOVES. and I hate that the porn industry trains people to expect sex to be a certain way. I FUCKING HATE IT. I don't have anything against porn itself. but I hate what it sometimes makes sex into. if that makes sense. 

it just ruins all the spontaneity! It's not a move if you're doing it because you can't stop yourself or if it brings you pleasure. BRINGS YOU PLEASURE. (and of course connecting with the person you're with should bring you pleasure if you're a balanced, healthy human being.) and that is my final stance. 

2. In this debate about either gay people being born gay or developing into gayness- WHY THE FUCK DO SO MANY *BORN THIS WAY* DEBATERS BRING UP GENETICS? 

whether or not there is a gay gene is besides the point. maybe there is. but I don't fucking care if there is. 

The point is, we are ALL BORN A CERTAIN FUCKING WAY. Nurture changes this way,  warps it or oppresses it or enhances it. THE POINT IS TO BE AS MUCH THE WAY YOU WERE FUCKING BORN AS POSSIBLE. to enhance. to EXPAND YOUR WAY INFINITELY UNTIL YOU DIE. 

(side note: people are NEVER born "bad" as opposed to "good." NEVER. nEVER. NEVER. NEVER. perhaps sometimes darwinian survival instincts undermine the pure good human spirit- but I think this is besides the point as well.)

BORN THIS WAY IS NOT GENETIC.  

genetic is not the point. genetics should not be an excuse for the way we are. We are the way we are AND THERE ARE NO EXCUSES. 

there is forgiveness and humility. GENUINE REMORSE. and there is strength. and there is confidence. and there is love. 

no excuses. no explanations. 

if you fuck up, you fuck up. and you try to make up for it. 

and you CERTAINLY don't say "sorry, I am genetically a white female and I live in Costa Rica. it is a tragedy. let me make it up to you by talking shit about my home country and trying to prove to you that I am still cool despite speaking spanish with an american accent." YOU DON'T SAY "I was late for this meeting, dear professor, because I am genetically directionally challenged. I was fucking born this way. rearrange your schedule, my dear poet laureate of Colorado CC professor internationally acclaimed poetry critic and genius, because I was FUCKING BORN THIS WAY."

nope. you fucking don't. 

AND SO UNIVERSE, I ASK YOU: CAN YOU ACCEPT WHAT YOU ARE WITHOUT A SCIENCE TO BACK IT UP AND MAKE IT OK? MAKE IT "LEGITIMATE"? 

CAN YOU!?

because I want to live where there is no science. only precision.