its all in my head

ok three things

1. after the initial identity shock of no longer being the macha in ticoland, i am now SO FUCKING HAPPY to be redheaded here:

a) now sometimes im confused for tica which is super exciting for me b) because unlike with being blonde here, theres no instant sex appeal of genuine rarity and so i feel less hounded and sexualized AND ITS FUCKING GREAT c) people here now think of me as like SCARY MALL PUNK or something. 

such a fucking relief not to be sexualized. and very much appreciated. 

funny because, in the U.S., I think the red hair ups my sex appeal (which is neither here nor there)

2.did a lot of post-grad research today. i've decided i want to pursue working in the Denver rape crisis center next year (possibly.)

Last night I had this terrible dream that I was nine years old and kidnapped and then gang raped. at the end of the dream, after I'd escaped the gang rape den, i went to the hospital because somebody was having a baby. I looked at the baby and all was bathed in white pure light (as opposed to the dark deep nasty of the rape den)...and all I could think was...I NEED TO DO SOMETHING SO THAT THIS BEAUTIFUL LITTLE THING doesn't have to deal with what I've dealt with or (circumstantially) turn into the monster that the gang rapists had turned into. as in, I need to do something to take care of people to help them to give them what I've been given to teach them to avoid what I should've avoided....etc 

and so then i woke up. 

and so then i did research for creative writing MFA programs....and Denver job research for next year and then it occurred to me: Rape Crisis Center?!

3. HERES SOME GOOD ADVICE I found on one of my favorite cool-image/teenage-rant tumblr blogs:

"There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you, let them walk. I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you.When people can walk away from you, let them walk."

fuck yeah, young miss art school student! thats soooo true girlfriend!!! (no but seriously. it is.)

p.s. im being so healthy and restful here....im sleeping 8 hours a night and being moderate and eating FUCKING BROCCOLI (covered in tabasco sauce...duh.)

when I get to CO I might've recovered to the point of not looking like the walking dead....but thats a goal and not a prediction. 

p.p.s. ok so i just felt like i had to share this: I WAS SO PROUD WHEN I FIGURED OUT WHY CONSISTENTLY SOMETIMES NON-"ARTSY" STRAIGHT GUYS KNOW WHO CELEBRITIES ARE.

 

CUS OF THE PORN SIGHTS!!! i figured this out like a year ago....and now every time a guy knows an obscure female actress... i have a little snicker to myself. 

yeah yeah, movie knowledge my ass.

Comments

[DrumTheDarling]

I'm posting to tell you three things:

1) I still read your blog.

2) It is amazing as usual.

3) I fucking miss you. :(

[ali]

awww i miss you too! its been bugging me that i havent spent too much time with you or natalie!!

we need to hang out after winter break immediately.

im glad le blog entertains you:)